Update: I have attempted to clarify a few things from this post over here.
Let's face it - there's just no getting around Christmas. That holiday seems to start earlier with each passing year, and once it starts it's unavoidable. I could probably write a dozen articles on dealing with Christmas in a secular family, but lets start with an issue that is most likely to come up with young children - Santa.
What kid wouldn't latch onto a story about a jolly, magic elf-man showering them with presents in the middle of the night? And even if you don't mention the old guy at home, it's inevitable that he'll be introduced to your kids at day care or from someone else in the family or on TV or just from seeing so much of him in all the stores. Even in our house, with no TV and no specific discussion of Santa, before long our daughters had Santa books and were singing Santa songs and writing lists to Santa and bringing home Santa crafts.
For some, this might not be a big deal. It's a tradition going back hundreds of years, and it really has nothing to do with religion anyway, and if you're like me your parents told you about Santa and you turned out alright, right? I'll leave it up to you to decide if it's something that should or shouldn't be a part of your family, but here are a few tips for those of you who are against it.
It's just another story
Our girls love having books read to them, and chief among them are any stories involving princesses and fairies. We've already established that princesses don't really live like that, and that fairies don't really exist, so we had no problem explaining Santa is just another character in a story. We don't have to say specifically "There is no Santa," or "Santa's not real," any more than we have to repeat that there's no such thing as dragons or talking cars. They still love hearing about Santa and it stirs their imagination just as much as any other fantasy tale that we read to them.
Don't be a grinch
As important as it may be for you to not perpetuate the myth of Santa, it may be just as important for another family to stand on tradition. If your child can understand Santa as just another character in a story, then chances are he or she will be much more able to talk about Santa with other kids without even realizing that the other kids think of him as real. It would be like talking about any other fictional character that kids identify with. If your child ever does ask why other kids think he's real, just explain that some kids like to imagine him as real because it's fun to think about.
No Santa, No Lists
If you're going to do away with Santa, do away with Santa lists. They really do nothing but foster a sense of entitlement and "I Want"-ism. Instead of writing getting lists, have them write out giving lists. Encourage your child to think about gifts for friends and family. Be sure to impress upon them that not every gift has to be a material item. This exercise will help them develop a sense of charity and thoughtfulness, and hopefully avoid the materialism that often accompanies this time of year. (If your child receives an allowance, this is also a good opportunity to talk about budgeting.)
Don't feel pressured
It's quite likely that you will catch some flak about "ruining Christmas" for your child if you do decide to Not Santa. Before you feel guilty and back pedal on your decision, consider the following:
- By continuing to push the idea of a Real Santa on your children, you're also pushing the idea that lying is OK if it's in the spirit of family tradition.
- You don't have to go so far as to suppress the idea completely if you explain it as just another story.
- Lists to Santa can be a negative reinforcement for excessive consumerism, selfishness and greed.
- The idea of an omniscient man that is essentially the judge, jury and executioner of every child's happiness and dreams, that only leaves the house once a year, who controls an army of elves, and who breaks into peoples houses in the middle of the night to eat their food is, quite frankly, scary.
- Would it really be that bad to get full credit for all that stuff under the tree this year?
It's not the end of the world
Should you fail in your task of rationally explaining Santa, or should your child reject your reasoning completely, it's not the end of the world. You will have bigger battles to face, like how will Santa afford all the batteries required to power all those toys this year.
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